


An Affair I Can't Quite Remember

by shadowcatfan (pressdbtwnpages)



Category: X-Men (2000)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-08-18
Updated: 2002-08-18
Packaged: 2017-10-04 01:59:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pressdbtwnpages/pseuds/shadowcatfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the X-Men go to Vegas things happen. Silly, alarming, R-rated things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Affair I Can't Quite Remember

**Author's Note:**

> This was a response to a Wedding challenge someone posted on XMMFF. I was supposed to pick one of the suggested topics. I picked them all.

  
_posted to fanfiction.net 8-18-02, posted to the XMMFF yahoo group before that._   


He woke up in a bed that had a mirror above it. His head hurt a lot, and it wasn't a stretch to figure out what he had done. Drunk. In Las Vegas.  
"I think I saw this episode on 'Must See TV', He grumbled as he rolled over to look at his bride. White hair. That meant Storm right? Storm was okay, he could be married to Storm. Then the person next to him rolled over and he realized that the white hair was only a streak. Rogue. Crap, he was married to Rogue. Logan would kill him. It occurred to Scott that quite possibly Jean would also be less than thrilled.

Rogue woke with a wicked hangover and a wedding ring. Crap. You'd really think she could hold her liquor better than this.  
"Morning... honey," a voice said next to her. It sounded like...Scooter?  
"What the hell happened last night?!" She demanded as she rolled over and looked at her husband.  
"I...I...I have no idea," Scott admitted. "The last thing I remember was going downstairs to find Jean..."

Jean had been curled up on Logan's lap, and both Scott and Rogue saw the scene as anything but friendly. Rogue had seen the couple first and in her hurt turned towards the bar. Scott had arrived on the scene only seconds later. He saw Rogue sit down at the bar and opted to follow her. Apparently that was his first mistake of the evening.  
Rogue and Scott had gotten companionably drunk, commiserating over their lovers betrayal. After awhile one of them had gotten tired of breathing stale smoke and Scott suggested a walk.

"We decided to go for a walk!" Scott exclaimed.  
"Yeah. An' we saw Storm, Jubes an' Kitty. An' we saw a cute l'il chapel!" Rogue remembered.

When the four women and Scott, all more than a little tipsy, were standing on the sidewalk eying the chapel Remy and Bobby approached. They joined in the eyeing of the chapel. Bobby decided he and Kitty should get married, and the rest of the group felt no more than a trace of apprehension at the idea of marriage.  
The group entered the cheesy chapel and Scott charged Bobby and Kitty's wedding to the Professor's credit card. The wedding was uneventful, other than the ordeal of picking the least offensive of many offensive wedding gowns.

"What happened after the wedding?" Scott asked, er, his wife.  
"Hank came in lookin' for Twinkies," Rogue reminded him.  
"Right. He thought the chapel was a Stop 'n Go, instead of Stop 'n Go Weddings."

After Hank realized that he was in a chapel, not a convienince store Bobby proudly showed him Kitty's wedding ring. This annoyed Beast more than the lack of Twinkies. Kitty tried to explain that the wedding was...spontaneous, and that they hadn't left Hank out on purpose.  
Hank was not satisfied so he and Bobby agreed to have a wrestling match on the large table in the chapel parlor. After the fight, which no one won because Bobby fell off the table and Kitty sat on him so he couldn't get back up, the chapel served the large group shots of... something and suggested another wedding.

"Storm an' Hank got married! She said she'd always had a crush on Gonzo... an' Hank'd always wanted to do some experiment with lightnin'," Rogue giggled at the memory of the Goddess and the Genius.

After the proposal the bride searched with no luck for a dress that wasn't singularly awful. Failing to find one Storm began to cry. Kitty thought it was a bad omen to cry right before one's wedding so she tried to think of a solution.

"What was Kitty's idea again Rogue?" Scott asked.  
"Um...she took off her dress and gave it to Storm," Rogue explained.

So Kitty witnessed Beast and Storm's wedding wearing nothing but a smile. She'd been dressed for Las Vegas heat, and underwear had not been conducive to her outfit.  
The problem arose when a very intoxicated Remy got the idea to... milk Kitty. Jubilee had grabbed Remy in displeasure and Remy got a different idea.

"That's when she grabbed Remy and they interrupted Beast an' Storm's wedding," Rogue explained.  
"Oh. Now it makes sense."  
"No. Not really," Rogue sighed. "Maybe we should get up and find the others." She attempted to get up but fell back into the bed. "Or maybe not."  
"Okay. So Storm and Hank got married, and Jubilee decided she and Remy needed to get married so Remy would stop, uh, trying to milk Kitty," Scott reminded his new wife.

Jubilee had loved the idea of getting married, until she saw the truly hideous dresses. Not only, were they not yellow, they were not white. They were hideous, tacky pastels with bows. Big ones. Jubilee decided that in celebration of a new life she would wear only her birthday suit. Feeling left out, Remy opted for the same state of nudity.  
That was when the fake Elvis walked in, sat down at the piano, and began playing the "Chicken Dance." Remy and Jubilee had "Chicken Danced" naked down the aisle.

"So... then we got married huh?" Scott asked Rogue.  
"I guess so. I don't really remember... I think Remy brought out a bottle of tequila to toast all the weddings!" Rogue could practically visualize the parlor of the chapel filled with various stages of drunk and clothed X-Men.  
"But they wouldn't let us have any unless we got married," Scott sighed, "And it was really good tequila." Rogue pouted.  
"So you married me for tequila?" she asked.  
"Well... yes. Why did you marry me?" Scott asked. Rogue thought for a minute.  
"Ah, well... it was really hot in the chapel. And just takin' my clothes off seemed rude, so..."  
"You married me so you could take your clothes off?" Scott and Rogue looked at each other for a few seconds before bursting in hysterical laughter. "Maybe this marriage might work after all!"

 

Jean and Logan sat downstairs at the All-You-Can-Eat buffet. Hank and Storm were the first of the group to trickle in, they were holding hands.  
Jean cursed her hangover and cradled her cup of coffee in her hands.  
Bobby and Kitty wandered in next, Kitty still yawning. "Man," Bobby announced, grinning at Hank and Storm, "That was some night!"  
Jubilee and Remy came downstairs shortly after Bobby and Kitty. "The 'Chicken Dance'," Jubilee muttered, "I can't believe the 'Chicken Dance' is my wedding song!" Remy just grinned at his bride.  
"Wedding song?" Jean asked. "Did you say you and Remy got married last night?"  
"Uh Jean?" Scott asked coming into the room slightly behind Rogue, "They aren't the only ones who got married last night."

"You?" Jean asked. "But you're my fiancée!"  
"Yeah, but he's mah husband," Rogue informed her coolly.  
"Summers?" Logan asked. "Summers? You married Scooter?!"  
"We'll who else was she gonna marry?" Storm asked. "The rest of the boys were already taken."  
Jean turned around to look at her friend. "You mean you got married? To... Hank?"  
"That is indeed what I meant." Jean turned to her right.  
"And you, Kitty, you married Bobby?"  
a"Yeah," Kitty blushed and giggled slightly. "I guess you could say me and Bobby started this whole alter dash!"  
Jean sighed. "There is only one thing left to do, you guys can all get annulments!"  
Ororo and Hank looked at each other.  
Jubilee and Remy met each others eyes.  
Bobby and Kitty stared at each other.  
Scott and Rogue held each others gaze. All at once the couples exclaimed in unison, "No!"  
Jean glared at the people she had considered friends. She grabbed Logan's arm and pulled him up with surprising force. "That does it! We're getting married!" The sound of laughter followed Jean and Logan out of the dining hall.


End file.
